As a loving couple in New York State, my husband and I have always dreamed of starting a family. We have been together for over 10 years, and during this time, we have achieved significant milestones together. We put ourselves through school, landed our dream jobs, bought a home, adopted two beautiful dogs, and of course a cat too. We got engaged and married in 2019, and now we find ourselves longing to be dads. Our journey to start a family began in 2020, and since then, we have been working tirelessly to make our dreams come true. In 2022, we matched with our egg donor and successfully created embryos. However, the financial burden of fertility treatments such as surrogacy and in vitro fertilization (IVF) has become an overwhelming obstacle for us.

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We each work two full-time jobs to fund this process. I am a dedicated middle school science teacher and a scientific lab technician at a local university, while my husband is not only a restaurant manager + curator, but also the owner of his own self-started branding + web aesthetics company. We are responsible homeowners who diligently pay our mortgage and taxes. Despite our efforts to do everything "right," we find ourselves unable to afford the exorbitant expenses associated with starting a family.

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The sacrifices we have made to pursue our dream of starting a family are significant. Along with working endlessly around the clock, it means missing many special celebrations with family and friends as well as many dinners with each other. We recently decided to go back to school to earn a doctorate degree in the hopes of securing a higher-paying career, a process that requires time and money to achieve long-term goals. However, even with our unwavering dedication and commitment, the financial burden feels impossible to overcome.

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It is disheartening that same-sex male couples like ourselves face additional financial challenges when it comes to building our families through assisted reproductive technologies. While some insurance plans cover fertility treatments for heterosexual couples struggling with infertility, same-sex male couples are often left without any coverage options or face significant limitations.

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For men trying to have babies, the all-in estimated cost as of 2023 is approximately $180,000+, an exorbitant amount that must be paid entirely out of pocket. Unfortunately, there are no policies in place to even slightly lighten this financial burden or help alleviate some of these expenses.

It is important to note that raising a child from birth to age 18 already costs approximately $289,000 as of 2022. Yet, it is costing us a lump sum even greater than that just for us to get started on our journey to becoming dads. The financial strain is immense, and without the necessary support, many same-sex couples are left struggling to make their dreams of parenthood a reality.

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By providing insurance coverage for surrogacy and IVF procedures specifically tailored towards same-sex male couples trying to start their families, we can eliminate this unjust financial burden. This would not only promote equality and inclusivity but also contribute to the overall well-being of our community.

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We are asking for a change within the system. We believe that same-sex couples should have the opportunity to qualify for fertility treatments offered under insurance, just like heterosexual couples struggling to start a family through a diagnosis. Same-sex couples are struggling to start a family due to biological factors out of our control. Our marriage is recognized nationwide, and we firmly believe that with marriage comes family. Equality should not pick and choose where it wants to be just. We need equal support in being able to start the family we have always dreamt of.

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We call upon the New York State Legislation, insurance companies, and policymakers to take immediate action in rectifying this inequality. We desperately ask you to pass legislation that mandates insurance coverage for fertility treatments for same-sex male couples pursuing surrogacy or IVF. This will allow us, along with countless other loving same-sex couples, to fulfill our dreams of becoming parents without sacrificing our financial stability.

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Let us stand together as a compassionate and progressive society that values equal rights for all families. Please help us create a future where every couple has an equal opportunity to experience the joy of parenthood.

 

With hope, we thank you for your support.

- Dads to be